Some where along the line, for reasons both known and unknown to me, i decided my value and self worth was in being complaint. That by being self sacrificing I would be able to keep peace with people close to me and also be a person that people can turn to; it was my virtue and strength. To me being complaint was not a negative quality, in fact it was often encouraged.

In the midst of all of this I placed my self in a box. I was always aware of this box but I had convinced my self that there was no choice that I it was locked. Did i mention I am claustrophobic? I hated this box, loathed but remained in state of learned helplessness. And the key? Well the key was either with someone else or lost. I did not realize until now that it was around my neck all along. 

So i guess what I am trying to see in this dramatic piece is SCREW IT! The only ideals that i need to live up to are my own. The only people I need to answer to is my self and God. I have been quiet and passive for way too long. No matter how hard it is I need to start living life. It is too beautiful to spend locked in a box. 

We worry and stress and constantly contemplate over all the things that can go wrong. We forget that the idea opposites attract only applies in the world of physics. Here in real every day life all of those negative thoughts and energy attracts only the negative. That list of “ways life can go wrong” becomes a reality. 

Perhaps the most ironic aspect of life is the times when you let go are the times that when things works out. Looking back at my life the times I have surrendered, the times i did not over think are the times I have been amazed at just how great life can be. 

Simple pleasures…

the feeling after a 5 mi run

a hot shower

my moms ginger and mint tea